i thought it might be interesting if people saw an example of one type of c&c(comments and critiques) from my workgroup, the PK list. i'll post the poem i sent in and then i will post philip's reply. philip reworked my piece to show how he might have approached it. other times, a member might just suggest a word change or two, or perhaps point out that there are too many "ings" in the poem, or too many " I's" or, if a poem might be better ended at an earlier stanza, making the work more concise,things one might not have thought of. the workgroup i am in is one of the best i've seen, and because there are poets of completely different styles, everyone benefits. s

shine on, my love

like one of the stars dawn touches
unafraid of the coming light,
you reach for the rose tinged morning
to find the warmth hidden
in the softening blue
bright and beautiful still.
willing to risk all
for the sun's promise
of another day together.



this is philip's


my love, shine on

unafraid at dawn
you reach for a rose
find warmth in it's softness
risk all in hope just one more
star burst.